How he Loves Us!

Today has been a big day of realizing things. I'm not sure why. I think it's because Joe left for the night. Whenever that happens, I'm hit head on with one of my biggest weaknesses, fear. I have been afraid of the dark and being alone for as long as I can remember. Joe is always telling me: all you have to do is choose not to be afraid or all you have to do is choose to have a good attitude or to choose make today the best day ever. Joe is an amazing guy, and he has the best attitude and he's so amazing for me but sometimes those things are really hard to do. But I tried tonight for him. And for some reason, tonight it worked.
God doesn't want me to live in fear and even though my imagination is super vivid and when I look out into a dark night I can imagine things being there (have u ever read my book, My Darkness?) it doesn't mean that there aren't ways to overcome those fears.
I believe are culture is very inundated with violence, and it's part of my problem. The movies we watch, the TV shoes, the books, the news... there are so many things out there screaming death and destruction. It is easy sometimes to believe that when u are alone at night something awful could seriously happen to u.
But tonight I was really hit with this song. Please watch it. It's real. I really, really like real. There are too many phony things out there. Too many things and people that are trying to look their best for everyone else. I'm very guilty of this at times too.
Tonight I learned somethings even if it wasn't the first time: I want to be real for everyone. I want to be a friend. I want to be unafraid of what man can do to me. I want to be all that God wants me to be. Still learning, still striving.
Here's the links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0luHiWwi08&feature=related

Eli

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God's holding me

Eli's 6 and half weeks old. He's growing up in every single way. His little legs are starting to take on some serious chunk, his length is starting to keep him from wearing some of his smaller onesies, and he is starting to really enjoying playing with me during the day. I sing to him, read to him, rock him, bounce him, carry him around, take him on walks, and more.

However, each evening he has a hard time. I think that the little guy is experiencing so many new things all the time, that he has to have himself a little cry when the day is done. Joe and I work hard at soothing him, and most of the time we are successful.

It's hard work. We change tactics all the time until we land upon something that pleases him that evening. We are definitely problem solvers with this little guy.

Last night as I was rocking and hugging little Eli, and he continued to kick his feet, squirm his little body, and make fussy noises. I asked Joe why Eli looked so stressed. I said that Eli has everything he needs. We make sure he is well-fed, has clean clothes, a clean diaper, plenty of things to look at, and warm arms to hold him. He really doesn't have anything to be stressed about.

Joe turned to me and said that what I'd just said was a perfect illustration for why we shouldn't be worried and stressed either. God is our heavenly Father, and he makes sure, as the Scriptures say, that we have our needs met. He holds us and feeds us and loves us in the same way that we hold, love, and feed Eli.

It was a wonderful reminder. God is our Father, and He loves us, hard to imagine, infinitely more than I could ever love my precious, little son. WOW!!

^{Matthew 6: 25}"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^{b]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]}?

²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.