"Trust is confidence in the character of God. Firmly and deliberately you say, "I do not understand what God is doing or even where God is, but I know that he is out to do me good." This is trust. This is how we wait." -Richard Foster
Are you ready to die? If you were to take your last moment as you read this blog, would you be ready to meet your Creator?
It is a curios thing because I often wake up in the middle of the night and unlike waking up in the morning or waking up from a mid-afternoon nap, when I wake up to complete darkness, I am always terrified. Completely struck with the power of God and completely terrified that God would choose that moment to come back.
I believe completely that on account of putting my hope in Christ that I am going to Heaven. So why am I so afraid to die? I shouldn't be, but I still am, time and time again.
I think it is not so much that the process of death is terrifying to me, it is all the unknowns that are involved. What will Heaven be like? Was I supposed to do something today with my life that I didn't? Was I supposed to go somewhere today and share your love with someone, and I didn't?
Evangelism cannot occur in Heaven, and I am continually gripped with terror that I will have no more chances.
So why don't I run out to the street corners proclaiming Christ? Why don't I call up everyone that I partially know and share with them.
Is it fear? Is it not feeling to act in that way so I don't?
It says in the Bible that God is not willing that any should perish, but why then does he allow so many children to be born? Why then are so many people born and so many people die every day without hope of hearing the Gospel?
Will those who do know have to pay in Heaven severe consequences for not sharing with more people that have never heard?
I am scared to know the answer to this question...
I am often plagued with guilt. Often plauged with worry. I know God tells us in the Bible not to worry, but when these kinds of questions are floating through my mind every day, it is very difficult not to worry.
Am I doing enough? Am I sharing enough? Am I living for Christ enough? I don't know, but I desire that the answer to that question be yes. I desire more than anything that people would look at my life and see Christ.
What do I do with those that have heard but not responded? These individuals tear at my heart. I pray and pray and pray for them, but isn't salvation a work of the Holy Spirit? Isn't it impossible for me to force them to come to faith? Yes. I alone cannot save ANYONE. But just because I can't, doesnt mean I should stop trying.
Where do you want me Lord? Where would I be most effective?
Where are you sending me? Why do I feel that you want me to travel overseas to reach the lost? I will, and I am, but sometimes I struggle with the feeling that being an alien in a new culture will make me less effective.
Please take my worries. Please take my heart. I thouroughly, completely give my life to you, and my heart, and my future.
I desire to be well, I desire to have a big family and to be able to care for them, I desire to be effective for your kingdom.
I pass those desires to you and pray that you would be there, directing, leading, empowering.
I am nothing on my own. Purify my desires and make them yours.
