Today has been a big day of realizing things. I'm not sure why. I think it's because Joe left for the night. Whenever that happens, I'm hit head on with one of my biggest weaknesses, fear. I have been afraid of the dark and being alone for as long as I can remember. Joe is always telling me: all you have to do is choose not to be afraid or all you have to do is choose to have a good attitude or to choose make today the best day ever. Joe is an amazing guy, and he has the best attitude and he's so amazing for me but sometimes those things are really hard to do. But I tried tonight for him. And for some reason, tonight it worked.
God doesn't want me to live in fear and even though my imagination is super vivid and when I look out into a dark night I can imagine things being there (have u ever read my book, My Darkness?) it doesn't mean that there aren't ways to overcome those fears.
I believe are culture is very inundated with violence, and it's part of my problem. The movies we watch, the TV shoes, the books, the news... there are so many things out there screaming death and destruction. It is easy sometimes to believe that when u are alone at night something awful could seriously happen to u.
But tonight I was really hit with this song. Please watch it. It's real. I really, really like real. There are too many phony things out there. Too many things and people that are trying to look their best for everyone else. I'm very guilty of this at times too.
Tonight I learned somethings even if it wasn't the first time: I want to be real for everyone. I want to be a friend. I want to be unafraid of what man can do to me. I want to be all that God wants me to be. Still learning, still striving.
Here's the links:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0luHiWwi08&feature=related
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