My New Job

I've had an awesome time this week getting ready for school this week at my new job, Stoneybrooke Christian school.

For those of you who may be curious ;-) I am an assistant teacher. I will be assistant an awesome Kindergarten teacher in the mornings, doing 4 math labs for 4th and 5th grade students who need a challenge in math, and am in charge of the science lab for K-6th grade.
That's it in a nutshell. Everyone at the school keeps calling me gumby because I am going to need to be very flexible, but I think it sounds like an awesome job and am super excited. ;-)

So it's back to the daily grind, and I am super excited. Daily interactions with a bunch of sweet teachers and kids sounds like welcome relief at the moment.

Seven Pounds

Have you ever felt you've been given something you didn't deserve. I know I have...life.

Last night I watched the movie Seven Pounds. It really hit me. I had heart surgery when I was seven. After it happened, I believed God had spared me from death. For years after I sought to make every day count. It became my mantra. Carpe Diem- Seize the Day! Do your very best! Give your all! Blessed to be a blessing! It's hard to keep up that point of view for sixteen years. Watching that movie last night brought me back. I cried like a baby.

God has granted me a gift, my life, and I desire it to be a sacrifice. In ways I'm like the main character who is so guilt driven, and sometimes it's exhausting. But then again sacrifice is difficult, life wasn't meant to be taken lightly or lived solely for pleasure. We are designed to make a difference, to love God and to love others, to give our lives for something worthy of the great sacrifice that was given so that we could live in every sense of the word. I am so thankful that unlike the main character in that movie I have someone bigger than myself to lean on. Considering this, I still don't know what I would do if I was in his shoes. If I believed I had caused the death of 7 people, one being the person closest to my heart, I believe I too would feel forced to atone myself. Even though I know there's forgiveness through Christ, it would be so difficult to forgive myself. I know in things far less significant I have had a difficult time letting go. I am often the one with the biggest judge's mallet to my head, reminding myself of my guilt.

Can you think of things you've been given that you don't deserve? Do you ever take them for granted? Are there any areas in your life where you need to grant yourself forgiveness?

Thinking outside the brown bag

I am super excited about returning to work, but what thing I am not looking forward to is packing a lunch. I never feel in the mood to pack a lunch and then once its time to eat, the things I brought don't look appetizing. So I wanted to get some creative. Here is a list of some creative options that I am going to be trying this year. ;-)

Main Course:

Salad with chicken

Salad with hard boiled egg

Salad with soy beans

Salad with turkey

Turkey sandwich

Turkey and cheese rolled up

PB&J sandwich

Cold pizza

Pita pocket with chicken and veggies

Veggie cream cheese and cucumber sandwich

Almond butter with almonds and cranberries sandwich

Hummus and chopped pepper sandwich

Apple butter with apple slices sandwich

Whipped cream cheese with blueberries sandwich

Blueberry cream cheese and strawberry slices sandwich

Jam and cream cheese sandwich

Veggie soup

Pita bread, cucumber, lettuce, olives, tomato, and hummus sandwich

Chicken, cucumber, vinegar, lemon, basil, olive oil sandwich

Fruit:

Plum

Apple

Orange

Kiwi

Blueberries

Pineapples chunks

Melon slices

Grapes

Snacks:

Cheese crackers

Corn muffin

Hard boiled egg

String cheese

Whole wheat crackers

Cheddar cheese

Chips and salsa

Popcorn

Yogurt with fruit

Trail mix

Veggies:

Pepper slices

Snap peas

Cherry tomatoes

Veggies with hummus

Mini carrots

Soybeans

Veggies and dip

Dessert:

Fig newtons

Banana bread

Pudding

Oatmeal cookies

Animal crackers

Clip from chapter 34: Letting Go

I opened my eyes, afraid, yet expectant. The walls were white, the sheets were white, and the bandages concealing my left arm were white. A steady beeping pulsed behind me.

My right arm hurt worse than my left, and I studied it, twisting it back and forth to examine the small needle taped to my wrist. I twisted to look behind me and watched the steady dripping of the liquid in the clear plastic bag attached to my arm. A large monitor beside the bag recorded my heartbeat.

I heard a rustle on my sheets, and I turned forward, noticing the ruffled, blond head lying on my bed. I watched as Mark slowly lifted his head and stared into my eyes. The intensity of his gaze spoke volumes.

Still silent, he drew his hand toward me and carefully picked up the hand partially concealed by a cast. He squeezed my fingers, brought his face closer, and kissed my fingers with his warm lips.

I became aware of the throbbing of my heart within my chest as the monitor behind me started beeping. Mark opened his mouth and a slow smile spread across his face. My stomach did a flip-flop before it rested again.

“Should I leave, Sadie, so you can get some rest?” Mark chuckled.

I shook my head adamantly from side-to-side.

He brought his head near my fingers and gave them another kiss, this time holding the position for several seconds. Our eyes locked.

Verse of the Week

I Peter 3:12-14

"For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened."

You are in a marathon...

I went to the Harvest Crusade Saturday night, and I was hit, as I often am at such incredible events, how much Greg Laurie has been able to accomplish in his lifetime. I desperately want to make a difference and looking around at the thousands of people crowding every seat of the Angels stadium made me yearn to accomplish significant things. I began comparing myself with him and others like him, and I began to get sad, realizing that compared to him, I have done so few things during my lifetime.

Like a flash of inspiration a thought burst into my mind that I believe was put there specifically by God. God told me to be faithful, today! Life is a marathon, not a sprint. I need to focus on today, being obedient, hard working, loving, and patient one day at a time, and my lifetime goals will follow.

A speaker who came to Biola said something I won't forget that we should focus on finishing well. It's great to be fired up and passionate for God the first year you're a Christian, but how much more significant to continue to be fired up and passionate year after year after year, until the Lord takes you home.

Thought to leave you with: Many people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.

Set goals, live for eternal treasures, and be faithful, today! ;-)

Excerpt from Chapter 6- Hide & Seek

I curled into a ball on the cold cement and shut my eyes to block out what I imagined was there. The cold sprang from the floor into my skin so I sat up. I began humming to myself but soon forgot the tune.

I struggled to focus my mind on pleasant things. The first thing pushing through the floodgates of my mind was Mark. I focused on each part of him, sweeping my mind’s eye over his easy smile, his wavy, blond hair, and his soft, freckled skin.

A sound broke my thoughts. My breathing and heart rate started to race. I felt the tingling pricks of fear spreading through my arms and legs. I opened my eyes to peek and big, glaring, blood red eyes stared back at me. I backed up, and my head hit the door. There was nowhere to go.

I squeezed my eyes shut, my voice breaking in an effort not to cry. “It’s just my imagination. I’m alone. I’m just afraid. Nothing’s going to happen.”

The deep, gurgling laugh came from three places at once. I gasped, my body filling with the adrenaline it was so used to.

I opened my eyes to see three more dark creatures creeping menacingly toward me, their white eyes breaking through the thick darkness. They swayed back and forth as they studied me. Then, they leapt upon me and in me. I couldn’t even scream.

I felt my body wrack and shake, and they hurled me into the door. My shoulder smashed into the cold wood, and I drooped to the ground. Relentless, they raised me to my knees and then let me fall.

Their voices breathed into my consciousness with rabid intensity. “You’re nothing. You’re worthless. Give up. Give in. We’re stronger than you. We can beat you. We will beat you. You can’t hide.”

They peeled me from the floor and threw me into the door. I fell to the floor, and my body quivered as I struggled to regain control. With great effort, I raised myself to all fours and tried to focus, breathing heavily.

I thought of anything and everything, the scenes and people flashing through my mind like a slide show: my homes, Julie, Mark, Paige, the outside of the school, Drake glaring at me from the dinner table. I opened my eyes and saw more creatures, their dark bodies crowding toward me.

“Somebody help me. Please,” I whispered with the only strength my conscious mind had left. My soul ached with despair as they continued to shake my fragile body and pound it into the concrete floor.

I heard rustling outside the door. A cracking sound pulsed through the silence, and then faint moonbeams filled the floor of the closet where I’d been stashed. Abruptly, the creatures fled into the crevices of the closet, hiding behind paint cans and lawnmowers. I watched their beady eyes glowering back at me. I stared in the direction of the door as it creaked open, too tired to lift myself from the floor.

“Sadie!” Mark yelled, his voice tinged with panic.

I sank lower and stared at him. It was over.

“Who did this to you?” He kneeled on the floor next to me and rested one hand on my back, avoiding my eyes.

“The Vipers,” I whispered, fighting to regain mental clarity.

“Why?”

“They gave me an ultimatum. I have to leave. They’ve given me a month. I guess having a little sister is not exactly a dream come true.”

My Darkness

SYNOPSIS*

My Darkness is a novel about sixteen-year-old Sadie who has the ability to see another world. Tormented by a depressive demon of darkness and a manic foster brother, Sadie’s life is a string of rejections and close calls until she meets Mark, her mysterious admirer. Her life begins to turn around, but she faces violent opposition at every turn, including a threat from her brother to leave home immediately or else. With the attacks intensifying, will Sadie survive long enough to embrace the truth, uncover the mysteries surrounding her foster brother and Mark, and escape from the Darkness that surrounds her?

CLIP*

“This is a war, Sadie. The opposing side doesn’t lose lightly. They’re going to put up a fight, every step of the way. They don’t want you to read that book. There are answers in there that they’re terrified of your discovering. They don’t want to lose their grasp on you. I’m going to try my best to help you, but they’re stronger than you, for now.”

I heard a click as he ended the call. I stared into the phone and whispered, “Mark, who are they? Why do they want me?” I closed my eyes to stop the tears from coming.

All at once, the intense pain in my thigh subsided. I stared down at my Darkness, stunned into frozen silence as I watched a huge gash appear on his shoulder. He turned and hissed and pulled out his claws the rest of the way from my leg. He brought his spindly fingers to his shoulders and covered his wounds. He gazed around the room for the attacker. I followed and found him standing by the door, thick, golden sword in his hand. He was posed in the position I’d come to recognize: palms up, eyes serene, head tilted back. The Guardian of The Book. He’s in my room, guarding my reading of the book.

“For as long as I remember I've been hurting; I’ve taken the worst you can hand out, and I've had it. Your wildfire anger has blazed through my life; I'm bleeding, black-and-blue. You've attacked me fiercely from every side, raining down blows till I'm nearly dead. You made lover and neighbor alike dump me; the only friend I have left is Darkness.”

Feeling Low?

DESPAIR

"As I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away,

you know how I'm feeling,

know the danger I'm in,

the traps hidden in my path.

Look right, look left—

there's not a soul who cares what happens!

I'm up against it, with no exit—left alone.

I cry out, God,

'You're my last chance, my only hope for life!'

Oh listen, please listen;

I've never been this low.

Rescue me from those who are hunting me down;

I'm no match for them.

Get me out of this dungeon so I can thank you…”

HOPE

God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE LOVE MAKES! ;-)

To the Bottom of the Ocean

This weekend Greg Laurie spoke at church. He showed the new companion video to his book called Lost Boy. It is the story of Greg Laurie's life, and it is a powerful one! He was saved from a destructive lifestyle and a very broken home.

He shared that God cleans his fish after he catches them. So many people assume that they are too dirty to come before God. They fear there are things in their life that would displease God, and they must find a way to get rid of them in their own strength. God calls us to come to him. Wounds, pains, mess-ups, bad habits, and all. AS WE ARE! God is the healer. God is the transformer of lives. Let him change you!!

When we ask God to come into our lives, God throws our sins present, past, and future to the bottom of the ocean, and then he posts a "No Fishing" sign. God is not the one bringing back our hold sins and holding them in our faces. We are. God has forgiven us. Ask for the strength to forgive yourself. God bless you!

Are you a character?

This was my favorite character from the movie- Snake Eyes. ;-)

I love the feeling when you step outside of a movie theater. Nothing has changed, really, during the two hours that you spent inside the theater, but to you, who has been on an unforgettable ride, everything has changed. At such times, I constantly question which things I'm looking at are real and which ones aren't. We watched G. I. Joe this weekend and after we stepped outside of the theater, I felt like I was a special agent. I believed that enemies were hiding everywhere, behind the pillars, under the counters, in the cars in the parking structure. I was suspicious of everyone and more excited to be alive simply because I had just experienced something so exciting. It is easy to take the things that we see on a daily basis for granted. I think after I see a movie, I feel like my life is a movie, and that makes it infinitely more interesting. I want to please my fans and be exciting enough. I want to make them feel they made a good purchase coming to my movie. So how is your movie looking these days? Is your life something that someone else would want to watch? Is your excitement for life contagious? I know mine is AFTER I watch a movie. If only I could hold on to that kind of life. ;-)

You are loved!

Good to be Loved!

So I went to a woman's event put on by Saddleback church last night. It was really fun, and I'm glad I went. The leader was going to speak in church in 2 weeks so she asked the group of about 20 different women from all different stages of life what are the main struggles that women face so she could address them.

One of the things we kept coming back to was having a problem with our identity. It is so easy to comprise our identity from the things we do, from our work, from being married, from having children, from the things we have or don't have, from the things we've done or haven't done. Constantly striving to prove ourselves in other's eyes. Constantly comparing ourselves to our neighbors, friends, coworkers, and family. What do I have that they don't have? And if I don't have what she has, how can I?

I was reminded as I have been countless times that we should now and always comprise our identity first and foremost from Christ. We are God's child! He loves us if we're married, fat, have five children, have no children, aren't married, have long hair, have red hair, have nice clothes, have a beautiful house. He loves us irregardless of the things we do. He loves us because he created us, and I believe he desires for us to be able to look at ourselves and see the worth God has assigned to us because of whose we are. God has stamped his image on us and that means we are loved and taken care of.

I need to learn to stop comparing, stop striving, stop criticizing, stop being too hard on myself, stop and know that God is who he says he is and that I am loved because I am his.

A great reminder from Romans: "I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."

The Stakes are High

I have had the opportunity to help a couple that is 86 and 88 years old this week. Their daughter usually cares for them but went on vacation. I do small chores for them, make them meals, and listen.

It is always inspiring to listen to people who have truly left a legacy. Their three children are happily married, and their children's children are married and have children. It is so fun to sit and listen to them talk about their family.

It is truly a beautiful thing to see how God designed the family. I shake my head at the people who believe that we can change what a family looks like, God's design for a family, and then completely ignore the problems that result. Divorce, single parent households, same sex parent households... all these things are extremely difficult and sometimes completely disastrous for those involved, especially the children. If you aren't convinced, I think the first step is to take time talking with the children who live in one of these households. If they're honest, I assure you that the majority are not perfectly okay with the arrangement. A part of them bleeds in their desire for a "normal" family. Sadly, it's becoming more and more difficult to find these families.

It's curious to speak with my new friends, born in the 1920's who don't understand twitter, facebook, or the rampant destruction of the family that is occurring in the world today.

I listened to a tape by Dr. Dobson recently, and he claimed that our society was morally disintegrating, and the number one reason he believed, hands down, was the decay of the family. He had a ton of statistics to back up his claim, and it was very interesting.

I looked up marriage in biblegateway, and this is the first verse I found.

Malachi 2:16, "I hate divorce," says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, "I hate the violent dismembering of the 'one flesh' of marriage." So watch yourselves. Don't let your guard down. Don't cheat."

I don't think God thinks our current family problems are funny. Be careful. Don't rush into marriage. The stakes are high.