Merry Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas to our friends and family!

It sure has been an eventful, terrific year for the Gallucci family. We started out 2009 with a bang spending the night on the streets of Pasadena to watch the Rosebowl Parade. The first few months were terrific. I was Joe’s secretary with his Cutco business. Check out www.mycutcorep.com/JoeGallucci to view his website. In February, Joe participated in the Lake Perris triathalon and did a great job! In March, we celebrated our second wedding anniversary in Big Bear. Mid May, Joe decided that a career change was in order. He started working for a company called PayJunction, a credit card processing company with a unique way to accept credit cards (in store, website, and/or cell phone). If you want to learn more, take a look at Joe's website It’s really interesting, and there’s even a cool movie to watch. ;-) The summer was lovely, filled with a trip to beautiful Colorado for a vacation with the Hollins and another trip to picturesque Oregon for a Gallucci family wedding. I spent the better part of 2008-2009 writing my first Young Adult novel. It was finished in August and debuted on www.amazon.com. It’s called My Darkness, it’s about spiritual warfare, and it’s a great read. Search “My Darkness Hayley” on Amazon to buy your copy! ;-) I started a brand new job at the end of August at Stoneybrooke Elementary School. I’m an assistant teacher working with a junior kindergarten class and the school’s math lab and science lab. I love it! Not long after starting school, our family received terrific news. We were going to have a baby! Hayley is currently five months pregnant with our first child, a boy we decided to name Eli Rocco Gallucci. Baby Eli and I have both been doing great so far. In November we still had not had enough adventure so we decided to rent out our condo in Mission Viejo and move to a small cabin in the Cleveland National Forest. After the move, Thanksgiving was spent with family and a relaxing trip to Tahoe with the Hollins.

We are earnestly awaiting a very special and memorable 2010 with even more exciting adjustments and changes as we welcome Eli on or around April 21^st ;-).

Many blessings to you and your family!! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! ;-)

Love,

Joe, Hayley, and baby Eli

This blessed me. Merry Christmas!! ;-)

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got
arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and
they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries
without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before
giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you
still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you
hate,'
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a boy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at
all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day.'
Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you.' (what an image)
Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's
gross.'
Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you
mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an
elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's
yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy
said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Updates

Sorry, again, for not writing recently. I've lost my computer connection in the lab after school and until a few days ago we were a one computer household, which mean that Joe was on the computer for work or we were spending time together. Enough excuses... I'm back and because Joe recently purchased a netbook for his business we are now a 2 computer household. Got to love technology.

Life has been really good lately. We had a more than splendid Thanksgiving break. We headed straight to Lake Tahoe with my hubby, fam, and sister's boyfriend. We had an amazing time in a breathtakingly fabulous snow resort. It had snowed the day before we arrived so our world was white. We were surprised continually how cold it really was outside and were thankful for all the layers we had brought with us. I had a blast on the trip. We ate really well, watched Blindside, Roo, Joe and David went snowboarding, shopped, relaxed, watched movies, had snowball fights, played the legendary Twilight game ;-), and so much more. I definitely didn't want to go home. It was amazingly beautiful and refreshing and wonderful to get away from work and the day to day for awhile.

The good news is that we got back late Wednesday night, and the next day was Thanksgiving. We had a very chill day and then spent Thanksgiving evening with all our family: my family, Joe's family, David's family, and more. ;-) It was a great time.

The day after Thanksgiving we did brave the stores in Lake Elsinore for a little shopping. We got a laptop, a few pregnancy outfit essentials, and a few other things.

Saturday was spent registering for baby Eli, so much fun but we were wiped when it was all over. We also had dinner with Joe's fam, gma, uncle, and great aunt. Yummy food, again. ;-) On Sunday we did errands and took care of business.

So life is good. The pregnancy has been terrific so far, for which I am soooo thankful. No major issues. I've been feeling great! Definitely enjoying the blessed 2nd trimester. ;-)

Taking deep breaths

Have you ever experienced those moments where you can't help but take a deep breath... not because you're stressed, not because you're worried, but because you want to remember. Want to remember the place you are and the feelings that surround you...forever.

I've been blessed to have countless deep breath moments this past year, this past month, this past week. God has richly blessed me, and I feel like there's nothing I can do but praise him.

I praise God for my loving, supportive, encouraging husband.

I praise him for a healthy, strong baby boy growing at a steady rate inside of me.

I praise the Lord for our new home in a place where I have daily reminders of his beautiful creation.

I bless the Lord for providing for us every day that we've been married and on our own. I marvel at his care for our every need.

I thank him for loving friends and family.

I praise him for blessing both my husband and I with wonderful jobs, jobs that we both enjoy.

There is so many things that could go wrong, every day. If you're not careful it is easy for worry and anxiety and despair to overrun your life. I have been focusing this year on taking deep breaths, savoring my life, and learning to push worry aside, continuing to learn to daily cast my fears on God's shoulders because only he is big enough to hold them all.

Praise the Lord!

Our Demon Cat

Our little kitty has been angry lately, very angry, and the biggest bummer about the situation is that his wrath is keeping us from sleep. We are almost all the way settled into our new abode and things are going quite well, that is except our poor kitty Fabio. For some reason every evening when we turn off the lights and slip into bed Fabio wants to come to. We push him outside and before long we hear the all familiar scratch and bang and meow at our door. The first 4 nights we didn't have a lock on our door and ingenious Fabio was able to slide our door open with his noisy, hardworking claws. He would leap into bed with us. For those with well-behaved dogs who sleep at the bottom of their beds this might not seem like a big deal, but for us this is not a positive situation. Fabio's favorite place is lying on our faces or chests or scratching our ears or arms. In other words he is a constant bundle of movement and energy, and it is almost impossible to sleep with him around. So we through him out, and he proceeds to try again. Not long ago, we purchased a lock for the door. We naively thought our problems were solved. Not so fast. Instead of being able to finish his cycle of scratching and leaping, the cycle is simply cut short. He sits at our door and proceeds to cause a gigantic ruckus until we let him in. I even gave him my cozy robe which he likes to lay in as a kitty bed, but to no avail, that kitty wanted to be with us. Needless to say, we are excited for the weekend, hoping we can get some sleep. I feel like I'm getting a teeny tiny peep about what life might be like in the middle of the night with our baby. ;-)

Moving Day

Good Afternoon... ;-)
It is currently 2:57, and I am already exhausted. Not trying to think of the gigantic day looming before us. At 1 PM today Joe picked up our U-haul and began loading it with all the things from our condo we had packed from the night before. I am hoping that everything will fit in our new place, but it doesn't look very promising. ;-) We will load up the truck and bring it down to our new cabin where we will begin unloading. Because I'm pregnant I don't have to do any lifting ;-) so depending on how fast the loading goes I may just be a cheerleader for awhile. ;-)
I turned 16 weeks yesterday and the pregnancy email said the baby will double in size in the next few weeks...woo hoo. I wonder how many more clothes I can grow out of by that time. ;-) If any one has some cute clothes that would fit a rounder Hayley pass them my way. I can't stand shopping. ;-(

Our moving adventure

I don't know why writing in my blog has bec0me so difficult. Maybe it's because a steady routine exists in my days now. I spend 7 hours working hard with lovely children, get home, get the mail, answer email, make dinner, eat dinner, and then spend the evening with my lovely husband and/or other friends and family.
I know that ample time allows for artistic expression, and I feel that since my time is more divided now and when it's not I'm too tired to type a word, it's harder to write.

The good news is that lately I've discovered a time to write! I have 5-10 minutes every day after my day at work where I don't want to leave school because of the horrendous traffic and for the most part I have finished everything I had to do during the day.
The perfect writing opportunity...

Anyway, things have been happening very quickly this week for my husband and I. We have had our condo up for rent for the last 3 months, and we finally got a bite!! We found out Sunday evening that someone wanted to rent out our condo and wanted to move in that Saturday so we are rapidly trying to complete all the arrangements necessary to find a home and transport our lives there. So far, we have continued to work full time during the day and continued to sleep. Hopefully, that will continue. ;-)
We will be moving out to the Cleveland National Forest, renting a one bedroom cabin with a large porch. There are trees on every side, a creek behind the cabin, and an extensive network of hiking trails. I hope it will be the perfect spot to raise our precious baby, at least for the first few months of his/her life. The only bummer is that we desired a two bedroom since it was almost the same price, but because of the short notice, we weren't so lucky. We are the first on the waiting list however so cross your fingers that we will be able to move into a bigger place before the baby comes. ;-)
Well my lovely time of writing has come to an end. I need to jet home and pack up everything we own into little brown boxes to be loaded on a moving truck tomorrow afternoon. Wish us luck. ;-)

Journal on my Pregnancy Journey so Far ;-)

The last few weeks of August I noticed being very tired. I would get an uncontrollable urge to take a nap or engage in a relaxing activity throughout the day. This was odd since none of my activities had changed.

August 31^st: I started working at Stoneybrooke. The exhaustion continued, but it made more sense now. I found that when I came home from work I was not at all motivated to do things that involved mental exertion. My brain was very tired. I also found that I was waking up several times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Upon awakening I would find that I was starving and would have a snack usually about 3 AM. I was craving yogurt. When I woke up in the morning my stomach would hurt a lot. It felt like I had a lot of excess acid in my system. I would try to eat, which would cause more pain. Once I was able to get food into my system, I did better.

I decided Thursday evening when Joe left for an appointment that I was going to do a pregnancy test, feeling that it would help me stop worrying about the symptoms I was having. I did the test and immediately 2 lines appeared. I rushed into the kitchen to set the timer since I was supposed to read the test after three minutes. I couldn’t stay away. I crept back into the bathroom and looked at the strip two lines, which for this test meant pregnant. I couldn’t believe it.

Instead of contriving a romantic, exciting way to tell my husband I called him that minute. I couldn’t stand waiting for an hour and a half for him to get home. He sounded overwhelmed and supportive.

That night we looked up baby names and decided on Bella Eve if it is a girl, “beautiful life.” The next day I bought some ginger to help my aching belly and rented two pregnancy books from the library.

September 15^th

This weekend we went down to my parents so that we could see them. We ended up going through all my old stuffed animals and watching some old family videos. All I kept thinking about was our kids, and how much they are going to love our stuffed animals. ;-) When we were driving home Joe said he was so excited to be a dad. It did my heart good. He said that I was a cute kid and he can’t wait to have cute kids of his own to spend time with and explore life with. ;-) What a blessing he is. I am starting to feel like people might be able to tell that my tummy is big. That makes me nervous, and I hope it’s not the case.

9/28 I was working with a little boy named Ethan in our class. He is usually kind of out of it and enjoys staring into space. On this particular occasion he leaned closer to me, rested his hand on my belly, looked me in the eyes, and said “There’s a baby in there.” He’s quite the prophet. ;-)

10/1 That same little boy thought it would be a good idea to throw up during snack and then twice during lunch the next day. I was very close to losing my food as well all three times. Oops! I blame it on the pregnancy.

10/8: We went to my first ob/gyn appt today. It was incredible to see the ultrasound. You could see the baby moving around. He was turning and swimming. We saw his arms, legs, umbilical cord, body, and really big head. The doctor said he or she was beautiful. She also commented that there was only one, which we were happy about, especially because we hadn’t considered there being more than one. ;-) She did a lot of other exams on me and I filled out paperwork, and then we left. The next day I got blood work.

10/9: We told Joe’s parents tonight. They had already invited us over to dinner so we decided to tell them that evening. They were thrilled and kept smiling and looking at us. It was a happy night! ;-)

10/11

We drove down to my parents house even though it was incredibly difficult to convince them that we needed to be down there since they were sick and busy. ;-) They were so excited and since Joe had to tell them we had a surprise so they’d let us come down, they had already guessed. My sister had bought me a bib. ;-)

10/22

We had another doctor’s appt to go over my blood work. They said that all the blood work was normal and that everything. We got to hear the baby’s heartbeat, and it was strong and lovely! ;-) We scheduled our appt in 1 month to find out the baby’s gender!!!!

I fear man

I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile. I have been getting used to the rhythm of work and like I expected going to work all day has a tendency to dry me of my creative energy. All I have felt like blogging the last few weeks is: went to work, made dinner, spent time with my husband, did some chores, went to bed. Not exactly inspirational.

Something I've been hit with the last few weeks though is how challenging it is to write a book and have people you care about read it. I feel like I'm lying on an examining table and whatever someone has to say about the book, they are saying about me. I spent so long on the book, poring over the words, chapters, and characters. It is so hard for for something like that not to become part of you. When someone says something positive or negative about my writing, I find myself viewing myself in a positive or negative light. I think it is similar to if you practiced for years to be good at a sport and you were in a game and you gave it your all and then all your best friends came up to you after the game and let you know the things they did and didn't like about our performance. Just seeing them walk up to you would make you nervous because you know you're not perfect and that people see things through their own eyes, affected by their pasts, their present relationships, their culture, and more. I don't know if I'll make it as a writer. I take myself too seriously. I want too much to be liked, to have people look at what I have to offer as worthwhile. I haven't grown calloused yet to people's opinions about what I have to say, and I crave positive affirmation. Not to mention that it takes at least 20 positive comments for me to forget about 1 negative comment. I am trying to forgive myself, but it's a struggle everyday. I feel like I should be above messing up by now, I've had 24 full years of practice, haven't I?

I think the verse of the week plays in really well with my fears of others' thoughts about me:

"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." Prov. 29:25

AMEN... May God do what he will with the things I have done and will do. My life is not my own.

Verse of the Week

Psalm 46:

"God is our refuge and strength, an Ever-present help in trouble."

Thoughts on Forgiveness from the Good Book

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

"Why does this fellow talk like that? He's blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?"

The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?"

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

God exalted him to his own right hand as Prince and Savior that he might give repentance and forgiveness of sins to Israel.

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace.

PRAISE THE LORD!

My New Job

I've had an awesome time this week getting ready for school this week at my new job, Stoneybrooke Christian school.

For those of you who may be curious ;-) I am an assistant teacher. I will be assistant an awesome Kindergarten teacher in the mornings, doing 4 math labs for 4th and 5th grade students who need a challenge in math, and am in charge of the science lab for K-6th grade.
That's it in a nutshell. Everyone at the school keeps calling me gumby because I am going to need to be very flexible, but I think it sounds like an awesome job and am super excited. ;-)

So it's back to the daily grind, and I am super excited. Daily interactions with a bunch of sweet teachers and kids sounds like welcome relief at the moment.

Seven Pounds

Have you ever felt you've been given something you didn't deserve. I know I have...life.

Last night I watched the movie Seven Pounds. It really hit me. I had heart surgery when I was seven. After it happened, I believed God had spared me from death. For years after I sought to make every day count. It became my mantra. Carpe Diem- Seize the Day! Do your very best! Give your all! Blessed to be a blessing! It's hard to keep up that point of view for sixteen years. Watching that movie last night brought me back. I cried like a baby.

God has granted me a gift, my life, and I desire it to be a sacrifice. In ways I'm like the main character who is so guilt driven, and sometimes it's exhausting. But then again sacrifice is difficult, life wasn't meant to be taken lightly or lived solely for pleasure. We are designed to make a difference, to love God and to love others, to give our lives for something worthy of the great sacrifice that was given so that we could live in every sense of the word. I am so thankful that unlike the main character in that movie I have someone bigger than myself to lean on. Considering this, I still don't know what I would do if I was in his shoes. If I believed I had caused the death of 7 people, one being the person closest to my heart, I believe I too would feel forced to atone myself. Even though I know there's forgiveness through Christ, it would be so difficult to forgive myself. I know in things far less significant I have had a difficult time letting go. I am often the one with the biggest judge's mallet to my head, reminding myself of my guilt.

Can you think of things you've been given that you don't deserve? Do you ever take them for granted? Are there any areas in your life where you need to grant yourself forgiveness?

Thinking outside the brown bag

I am super excited about returning to work, but what thing I am not looking forward to is packing a lunch. I never feel in the mood to pack a lunch and then once its time to eat, the things I brought don't look appetizing. So I wanted to get some creative. Here is a list of some creative options that I am going to be trying this year. ;-)

Main Course:

Salad with chicken

Salad with hard boiled egg

Salad with soy beans

Salad with turkey

Turkey sandwich

Turkey and cheese rolled up

PB&J sandwich

Cold pizza

Pita pocket with chicken and veggies

Veggie cream cheese and cucumber sandwich

Almond butter with almonds and cranberries sandwich

Hummus and chopped pepper sandwich

Apple butter with apple slices sandwich

Whipped cream cheese with blueberries sandwich

Blueberry cream cheese and strawberry slices sandwich

Jam and cream cheese sandwich

Veggie soup

Pita bread, cucumber, lettuce, olives, tomato, and hummus sandwich

Chicken, cucumber, vinegar, lemon, basil, olive oil sandwich

Fruit:

Plum

Apple

Orange

Kiwi

Blueberries

Pineapples chunks

Melon slices

Grapes

Snacks:

Cheese crackers

Corn muffin

Hard boiled egg

String cheese

Whole wheat crackers

Cheddar cheese

Chips and salsa

Popcorn

Yogurt with fruit

Trail mix

Veggies:

Pepper slices

Snap peas

Cherry tomatoes

Veggies with hummus

Mini carrots

Soybeans

Veggies and dip

Dessert:

Fig newtons

Banana bread

Pudding

Oatmeal cookies

Animal crackers

Clip from chapter 34: Letting Go

I opened my eyes, afraid, yet expectant. The walls were white, the sheets were white, and the bandages concealing my left arm were white. A steady beeping pulsed behind me.

My right arm hurt worse than my left, and I studied it, twisting it back and forth to examine the small needle taped to my wrist. I twisted to look behind me and watched the steady dripping of the liquid in the clear plastic bag attached to my arm. A large monitor beside the bag recorded my heartbeat.

I heard a rustle on my sheets, and I turned forward, noticing the ruffled, blond head lying on my bed. I watched as Mark slowly lifted his head and stared into my eyes. The intensity of his gaze spoke volumes.

Still silent, he drew his hand toward me and carefully picked up the hand partially concealed by a cast. He squeezed my fingers, brought his face closer, and kissed my fingers with his warm lips.

I became aware of the throbbing of my heart within my chest as the monitor behind me started beeping. Mark opened his mouth and a slow smile spread across his face. My stomach did a flip-flop before it rested again.

“Should I leave, Sadie, so you can get some rest?” Mark chuckled.

I shook my head adamantly from side-to-side.

He brought his head near my fingers and gave them another kiss, this time holding the position for several seconds. Our eyes locked.

Verse of the Week

I Peter 3:12-14

"For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened."

You are in a marathon...

I went to the Harvest Crusade Saturday night, and I was hit, as I often am at such incredible events, how much Greg Laurie has been able to accomplish in his lifetime. I desperately want to make a difference and looking around at the thousands of people crowding every seat of the Angels stadium made me yearn to accomplish significant things. I began comparing myself with him and others like him, and I began to get sad, realizing that compared to him, I have done so few things during my lifetime.

Like a flash of inspiration a thought burst into my mind that I believe was put there specifically by God. God told me to be faithful, today! Life is a marathon, not a sprint. I need to focus on today, being obedient, hard working, loving, and patient one day at a time, and my lifetime goals will follow.

A speaker who came to Biola said something I won't forget that we should focus on finishing well. It's great to be fired up and passionate for God the first year you're a Christian, but how much more significant to continue to be fired up and passionate year after year after year, until the Lord takes you home.

Thought to leave you with: Many people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.

Set goals, live for eternal treasures, and be faithful, today! ;-)

Excerpt from Chapter 6- Hide & Seek

I curled into a ball on the cold cement and shut my eyes to block out what I imagined was there. The cold sprang from the floor into my skin so I sat up. I began humming to myself but soon forgot the tune.

I struggled to focus my mind on pleasant things. The first thing pushing through the floodgates of my mind was Mark. I focused on each part of him, sweeping my mind’s eye over his easy smile, his wavy, blond hair, and his soft, freckled skin.

A sound broke my thoughts. My breathing and heart rate started to race. I felt the tingling pricks of fear spreading through my arms and legs. I opened my eyes to peek and big, glaring, blood red eyes stared back at me. I backed up, and my head hit the door. There was nowhere to go.

I squeezed my eyes shut, my voice breaking in an effort not to cry. “It’s just my imagination. I’m alone. I’m just afraid. Nothing’s going to happen.”

The deep, gurgling laugh came from three places at once. I gasped, my body filling with the adrenaline it was so used to.

I opened my eyes to see three more dark creatures creeping menacingly toward me, their white eyes breaking through the thick darkness. They swayed back and forth as they studied me. Then, they leapt upon me and in me. I couldn’t even scream.

I felt my body wrack and shake, and they hurled me into the door. My shoulder smashed into the cold wood, and I drooped to the ground. Relentless, they raised me to my knees and then let me fall.

Their voices breathed into my consciousness with rabid intensity. “You’re nothing. You’re worthless. Give up. Give in. We’re stronger than you. We can beat you. We will beat you. You can’t hide.”

They peeled me from the floor and threw me into the door. I fell to the floor, and my body quivered as I struggled to regain control. With great effort, I raised myself to all fours and tried to focus, breathing heavily.

I thought of anything and everything, the scenes and people flashing through my mind like a slide show: my homes, Julie, Mark, Paige, the outside of the school, Drake glaring at me from the dinner table. I opened my eyes and saw more creatures, their dark bodies crowding toward me.

“Somebody help me. Please,” I whispered with the only strength my conscious mind had left. My soul ached with despair as they continued to shake my fragile body and pound it into the concrete floor.

I heard rustling outside the door. A cracking sound pulsed through the silence, and then faint moonbeams filled the floor of the closet where I’d been stashed. Abruptly, the creatures fled into the crevices of the closet, hiding behind paint cans and lawnmowers. I watched their beady eyes glowering back at me. I stared in the direction of the door as it creaked open, too tired to lift myself from the floor.

“Sadie!” Mark yelled, his voice tinged with panic.

I sank lower and stared at him. It was over.

“Who did this to you?” He kneeled on the floor next to me and rested one hand on my back, avoiding my eyes.

“The Vipers,” I whispered, fighting to regain mental clarity.

“Why?”

“They gave me an ultimatum. I have to leave. They’ve given me a month. I guess having a little sister is not exactly a dream come true.”

My Darkness

SYNOPSIS*

My Darkness is a novel about sixteen-year-old Sadie who has the ability to see another world. Tormented by a depressive demon of darkness and a manic foster brother, Sadie’s life is a string of rejections and close calls until she meets Mark, her mysterious admirer. Her life begins to turn around, but she faces violent opposition at every turn, including a threat from her brother to leave home immediately or else. With the attacks intensifying, will Sadie survive long enough to embrace the truth, uncover the mysteries surrounding her foster brother and Mark, and escape from the Darkness that surrounds her?

CLIP*

“This is a war, Sadie. The opposing side doesn’t lose lightly. They’re going to put up a fight, every step of the way. They don’t want you to read that book. There are answers in there that they’re terrified of your discovering. They don’t want to lose their grasp on you. I’m going to try my best to help you, but they’re stronger than you, for now.”

I heard a click as he ended the call. I stared into the phone and whispered, “Mark, who are they? Why do they want me?” I closed my eyes to stop the tears from coming.

All at once, the intense pain in my thigh subsided. I stared down at my Darkness, stunned into frozen silence as I watched a huge gash appear on his shoulder. He turned and hissed and pulled out his claws the rest of the way from my leg. He brought his spindly fingers to his shoulders and covered his wounds. He gazed around the room for the attacker. I followed and found him standing by the door, thick, golden sword in his hand. He was posed in the position I’d come to recognize: palms up, eyes serene, head tilted back. The Guardian of The Book. He’s in my room, guarding my reading of the book.

“For as long as I remember I've been hurting; I’ve taken the worst you can hand out, and I've had it. Your wildfire anger has blazed through my life; I'm bleeding, black-and-blue. You've attacked me fiercely from every side, raining down blows till I'm nearly dead. You made lover and neighbor alike dump me; the only friend I have left is Darkness.”

Feeling Low?

DESPAIR

"As I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away,

you know how I'm feeling,

know the danger I'm in,

the traps hidden in my path.

Look right, look left—

there's not a soul who cares what happens!

I'm up against it, with no exit—left alone.

I cry out, God,

'You're my last chance, my only hope for life!'

Oh listen, please listen;

I've never been this low.

Rescue me from those who are hunting me down;

I'm no match for them.

Get me out of this dungeon so I can thank you…”

HOPE

God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE LOVE MAKES! ;-)

To the Bottom of the Ocean

This weekend Greg Laurie spoke at church. He showed the new companion video to his book called Lost Boy. It is the story of Greg Laurie's life, and it is a powerful one! He was saved from a destructive lifestyle and a very broken home.

He shared that God cleans his fish after he catches them. So many people assume that they are too dirty to come before God. They fear there are things in their life that would displease God, and they must find a way to get rid of them in their own strength. God calls us to come to him. Wounds, pains, mess-ups, bad habits, and all. AS WE ARE! God is the healer. God is the transformer of lives. Let him change you!!

When we ask God to come into our lives, God throws our sins present, past, and future to the bottom of the ocean, and then he posts a "No Fishing" sign. God is not the one bringing back our hold sins and holding them in our faces. We are. God has forgiven us. Ask for the strength to forgive yourself. God bless you!

Are you a character?

This was my favorite character from the movie- Snake Eyes. ;-)

I love the feeling when you step outside of a movie theater. Nothing has changed, really, during the two hours that you spent inside the theater, but to you, who has been on an unforgettable ride, everything has changed. At such times, I constantly question which things I'm looking at are real and which ones aren't. We watched G. I. Joe this weekend and after we stepped outside of the theater, I felt like I was a special agent. I believed that enemies were hiding everywhere, behind the pillars, under the counters, in the cars in the parking structure. I was suspicious of everyone and more excited to be alive simply because I had just experienced something so exciting. It is easy to take the things that we see on a daily basis for granted. I think after I see a movie, I feel like my life is a movie, and that makes it infinitely more interesting. I want to please my fans and be exciting enough. I want to make them feel they made a good purchase coming to my movie. So how is your movie looking these days? Is your life something that someone else would want to watch? Is your excitement for life contagious? I know mine is AFTER I watch a movie. If only I could hold on to that kind of life. ;-)

You are loved!

Good to be Loved!

So I went to a woman's event put on by Saddleback church last night. It was really fun, and I'm glad I went. The leader was going to speak in church in 2 weeks so she asked the group of about 20 different women from all different stages of life what are the main struggles that women face so she could address them.

One of the things we kept coming back to was having a problem with our identity. It is so easy to comprise our identity from the things we do, from our work, from being married, from having children, from the things we have or don't have, from the things we've done or haven't done. Constantly striving to prove ourselves in other's eyes. Constantly comparing ourselves to our neighbors, friends, coworkers, and family. What do I have that they don't have? And if I don't have what she has, how can I?

I was reminded as I have been countless times that we should now and always comprise our identity first and foremost from Christ. We are God's child! He loves us if we're married, fat, have five children, have no children, aren't married, have long hair, have red hair, have nice clothes, have a beautiful house. He loves us irregardless of the things we do. He loves us because he created us, and I believe he desires for us to be able to look at ourselves and see the worth God has assigned to us because of whose we are. God has stamped his image on us and that means we are loved and taken care of.

I need to learn to stop comparing, stop striving, stop criticizing, stop being too hard on myself, stop and know that God is who he says he is and that I am loved because I am his.

A great reminder from Romans: "I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."

The Stakes are High

I have had the opportunity to help a couple that is 86 and 88 years old this week. Their daughter usually cares for them but went on vacation. I do small chores for them, make them meals, and listen.

It is always inspiring to listen to people who have truly left a legacy. Their three children are happily married, and their children's children are married and have children. It is so fun to sit and listen to them talk about their family.

It is truly a beautiful thing to see how God designed the family. I shake my head at the people who believe that we can change what a family looks like, God's design for a family, and then completely ignore the problems that result. Divorce, single parent households, same sex parent households... all these things are extremely difficult and sometimes completely disastrous for those involved, especially the children. If you aren't convinced, I think the first step is to take time talking with the children who live in one of these households. If they're honest, I assure you that the majority are not perfectly okay with the arrangement. A part of them bleeds in their desire for a "normal" family. Sadly, it's becoming more and more difficult to find these families.

It's curious to speak with my new friends, born in the 1920's who don't understand twitter, facebook, or the rampant destruction of the family that is occurring in the world today.

I listened to a tape by Dr. Dobson recently, and he claimed that our society was morally disintegrating, and the number one reason he believed, hands down, was the decay of the family. He had a ton of statistics to back up his claim, and it was very interesting.

I looked up marriage in biblegateway, and this is the first verse I found.

Malachi 2:16, "I hate divorce," says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, "I hate the violent dismembering of the 'one flesh' of marriage." So watch yourselves. Don't let your guard down. Don't cheat."

I don't think God thinks our current family problems are funny. Be careful. Don't rush into marriage. The stakes are high.