Changed

I pray that I would improve my day-to-day devotion to Christ and allow the theoretical things I learn about God to impact the practical things I do for God.

Frozen, stiff

Skeleton feel

Chattering teeth

Can barely move

Darkness all around

Speck of light

Turn my head

Heart trying hard to beat

Light expands

Reaches up

Stretching into space

Broken dark

Goodbye stars

Gentle warmth

Hands tingle

Breath a cloud

Rising higher

Fireball climbs

Try to move my feet

Stand upon them

Walk around

How I love the daylight

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

The sun was beginning to dip behind the row of houses as I drove around on a Friday afternoon on April 15th, frustrated. I was traversing through Compton, a particularly tough neighborhood in Los Angeles County. I circled, stopped, and passed through neighborhoods as I desperately searched for the volunteer location where I had been twice before, serving the youth through a program put on by BIOLA University where I attended.

Not only was I notorious for getting lost, I was also notorious for being unprepared. I preferred to wing it when it came to directions, enjoying the thrill of finding a location even though I wasn’t exactly sure where it was. Crazy maybe, but it usually worked.

I stopped at another traffic light and flipped open my phone. No one had called wondering where I was. I was new to the ministry and had forgotten to procure anyone’s contact information. I quickly scrolled through my list of contacts and came to my roommate’s name.

I paused as I wondered how she was faring at the annual Intercultural Studies get-together. The event was held in one of our professor’s backyards. There was a BBQ, a time of singing, sleeping under the stars, and plenty of socializing. I had planned to attend the event late, once my evening in Compton was complete.

I checked the clock. I was already almost forty-five minutes late to help the youth. Decided, I changed course from the neighborhoods to the freeway.
I made it to the BBQ as the grilled hot dogs and hamburgers were being passed out. I grabbed some grub and found a spot on one of the many blankets laid out on the grass for the event. Nearing the end of my sophomore year as an Intercultural Studies Major, I knew a good majority of the students at the event. So when a tall, dark, and handsome young man I had never met before grabbed a corner of the blanket I was sharing with two other girls, I was intrigued.

We introduced ourselves, and he proceeded to try and stump us with a challenging mystery riddle. After five minutes of musing, the two other girls I was with left the blanket to get some more food. I, on the other hand, was hooked. I was determined to unlock the riddle and even more determined to get to know the riddler.

Finally, I solved the riddle. Impressed by my persistence, he began to question me about myself. I did the same. We discovered that we had very similar backgrounds, had similar likes and dislikes, and as far as life direction went, we were heading down the same road.

Very soon, I was unaware that anyone else was at the event. All I could see and hear was him: his dark, curly hair; intense eyes; strong voice; and amazing heart. No one disturbed us for the remainder of the evening. We sat in our small corner by the fire pit and talked for eight hours straight, sharing with each other about our life experiences and discussing things. It was so natural that I was forced to sit back several times and shake my head. I couldn’t believe that we had just met!

I started nonchalantly questioning him regarding the things that I had on my checklist of attributes that I was looking for in a husband. As he successfully passed point after point, the exuberant joy in my heart began to stretch.

It was two AM and more than a few people had already dozed off for the night, snuggling in a sleeping bag on the grass or slipping into one of the many tents spread out on the lawn. I wasn’t ready to say good night yet. I was confident that if I did, this dream guy would disappear as quickly as the morning fog. I suggested that we stay up until the sun rose, something I had always wanted to do. We could sit by the fire pit and continue our conversation. Unfortunately, he didn’t think it was as good of an idea as I did. He said goodnight and meandered to the back half of the lawn. I unrolled the sleeping bag I had brought and pulled it as close to the fire pit as possible, staring into the stars as I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up as the sun drenched my face with light. I blinked my sleepy lids open, trying to get a clearer picture of everything that had transpired last night. Had I been dreaming?

As the sun got higher, people started moving slowly out of their tents. I sat in the middle of a large group and cooked some biscuits over the fire. There was no sign of my mystery man from the night before.

Just as I was about to lose hope, I turned around and saw him, ducking around a large tent to join the early risers. I raced over and offered him a fresh biscuit.

Saying goodbye at his car that morning was hard. There were a lot of people at Biola, and I wanted to guarantee somehow that I would see him again. For some reason that I couldn’t explain, I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I leaned in to give him a hug and whispered, “Let’s not make this a one time thing.”

I went home that afternoon and wrote in my journal that I had met the man I was going to marry. I later found out that he had told his roommate he had found the girl he was going to marry that same afternoon. Seventeen months later, he asked me to be his bride in the same spot where we had first met. This time we stayed up all night and were able to watch the sun rise. Six months later, we were married. When people question whether love at first sight exists, I shake my head and tell them our story.

Savannah

Families come in all shapes and sizes, but for the children who live at New Day Foster Home in China, family is an idea, a hope, and a wish that they have for their future. Each child at New Day has been abandoned by their family for one reason or another, most of them because their families couldn’t afford the expensive medical care that they required, such as intensive heart surgery.

For Savannah, it was a different story. She had been abandoned when she was two years old because she had been born a dwarf. Going on seven years old, Savannah was the oldest child at the foster home. The home was constantly getting new children to care for and constantly sending their current children out to be adopted. Savannah had waited six long years. Her unfilled longings for a forever family was beginning to do a number on her self-confidence. She had watched so many children walk through the doors of the foster home holding the hands of their forever family. Savannah’s hands were still empty.

It was an ordinary, warm summer day in China. It was song time at New Day Foster Home’s preschool and all the kids and helpers were involved, singing a high-pitched ballad of multiple preschool songs.

Suddenly, Elva, who worked at the foster home, came around the corner and called Savannah out of the room. Since the children were often called out the room to attend physical therapy, see a doctor to receive a check-up for their various medical conditions, or receive a lesson in potty training, her exit was hardly noticed by the students, staff, and volunteers. The day at preschool progressed as usual, going from high-energy song time to a calmer period of arts and crafts. That day we were designing rainbows on construction paper from a variety of different colored plastic beads. I was helping the children choose the beads and stick them on correctly, enjoying myself as usual.

Suddenly, Savannah flew through the room, holding a white sheet of paper high in the air. She was beaming. She excitedly ran over to the preschool teacher, showed her the piece of paper, and started chattering excitedly in Mandarin. I left the child I was helping for a moment to find out what all the excitement was about.

I reached Savannah who also knew a lot of English, and asked, “What is it Savannah?”

She proudly lifted the piece of paper to my face and exclaimed, full of smiles and giggles, “I have a family. I’m going home to see my family in America!”

I lifted the paper from Savannah’s fingers and took my time gazing into the faces of each of the members of Savannah’s new family. Her new mom, dad, brother, and sister were all holding hands, smiling. It was obvious from the picture that each and every one of them was a dwarf like Savannah. The brother not only was a dwarf but also had been adopted from China not long ago. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and my little friend Savannah had finally found the family that she had been waiting a lifetime for. Her years of patient waiting had not been in vain for she had found the perfect forever family.

My Pact

I have made a pact to myself, to be thankful, excited, and happy about every hour of every day of my life, to look at each moment that I have been give and to see the beautiful things in it.

The last five days the trees have been greener, the people have been sweeter, and the food has tasted better. ;0)

This week has been good, and I encourage you to do your best if only for a week, to focus on living for today, not tomorrow, not the weekend, not next month, not next year, but today. It is often so difficult to do, but when done, so inherently rewarding.

My Struggle

I have a desire to make a difference. I struggle with this desire every day of my life, especially recently.

I was a junior high teacher last year, and even though I struggled a lot with the teaching and not feeling well, I was at peace with the fact that I was doing good for people, that I was making a difference in the lives of my students, each and every day.

Now, I help Joe with his work in every way that I can, take care of our home, and write novels and articles. Even though I love what I do and Joe loves it as well because I am so much happy on a regular basis, I struggle with not feeling effective. I struggle with the fact that I am not doing enough.

I have a hard time being content, I always have. Not with the things I have or don't have. It's never been about that, but the things that I am doing with my life. Even though I love my life so much and have so much to be thankful for, I have a hard time maintaining the same level of peace that I had last year when I knew I was changing lives for the better.

I think I was designed with a desire to be serving others. That is one of the many reasons why I feel called to missions, giving my life in service to others so that they can find and follow Jesus Christ seems like a dream come true.

Joe is constantly thinking of things for me to do to keep me busy, good things that need to be done, and even though that helps some with my dissatisfaction, it cannot erase the fact that what I am really searching for is making a difference in people's lives, the kind of life and the way of life that is not easily achieved when you stay at home and do paperwork.

I don't know that the future will hold, and I would like to think that I will be ready for whatever that is, but I'm not sure. The uncertainty looming in every detail of my future is unnerving at times. But when I'm not afraid, when I remember that through every mountain and valley God will be holding me, it is exhilarating, knowing that our desire is to give God our lives completely so that he can use them to accomplish his purposes.

I am confident that God has big plans for his children, and even though I often marvel at how that could be the case for me who fails so often, I rejoice in that fact, and I am confident that the life I could build without him and the dreams and plans that I could construct without consulting Him are nothing compared to the things that He has in store for me.

"For every good and perfect thing comes from above, from the Father, who doesn't change..."

Romans

"For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes..."

Blanket Rides

Since I am into tributes today, a tribute to my dad.

Darkness…I remember darkness, and the cold, smooth feel of the chills as they rippled down, down to the base of my spine.
Silence…I remember silence as I rounded each slippery corner, edgy lest the monster reach out and grasp me.
Exhilarated…I remember being exhilarated as I zoomed down the slanted staircase, crashing cozily into the blankets below.
Laughter…I remember my laughter as I asked to ride again and again. Blanket rides…I remember my father’s blanket rides filled with darkness, silence, and exhilaration glazed over with just the right amount of fearful anticipation of what may lay beyond every corner.

Written on July 16th, 2002

I wrote this journal entry in high school. I remember writing it too, outside on the hamock. It was a beautiful summer day, and I was dreaming about and praying for my future husband. I could never have asked for a better answer to my prayer than my husband, Joe Gallucci. ;-) I love you!

To my husband to be…
I have dreamed often of this time, the excitement of wedding preparations, the joy of loving someone with all of myself.
I have longed for you at times when things at school or in my life are unstable and people crush me, hurt me, leave me without caring.
I’ve longed for your protecting arms.
I’ve even imagined your kiss before and how amazing the day will be when we are finally united, and you are mine and I am yours- forever and completely.
I have been praying for you too. That your life has been one of devoted to God and his Word and that you always put him first because he deserves it.
I wonder right now what you will be like. What will your habits be, what will you look like, and what will your background be.
I am very excited to meet you, to explore you, to love you…
I just want you to know that I am saving myself- waiting especially for you. Love, Hayley

Wait for the Lord...

For any of you who might be struggling in the place that you feel stuck in right now, I want to offer some encouragement from a dear friend of mine who is doing exactly what I wish I were doing at the moment. I need to learn as she shares to be patient, to wait for the Lord, and to fully use this day that he has given to the best of our abilities.

"I don't think God cares about our physical location half as much as we do. He cares about our hearts. You aren't wasting time or spinning your wheels now... it is your life, and as you live it, He'll use you in ways you can't imagine. Don't grow weary, discouraged, or give up... just keep on going, one step at a time. Someday you might be able to look back over this season of your life and see its value."

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Prayer Requests:

For those of you who know us there are several things that we have been seeking the Lord for, and I thought that we could petition him together. ;-)

1. Raising support to to leave for China. This is a seemingly impossible goal at times that can be overwhelming and discouraging. So many people and churches are struggling right now with finances, and it is difficult to petition those for money who are already at a loss with what to do next in their own situations. We know that God has the money, but we need help finding it. ;-)

2. The publishing of my book. It is completed and I have been petitioning agents, but as everyone knows it is a difficult time to get people to support your first project. Please pray that I make the right connections. I have a writer's conference May 2nd, and I would be stoked to meet an interested party there. My children's literature professor and my literary critique group were very encouraging about the project so praise the Lord for that!

3. We are currently seeking the right team to be apart of in China and the right organization to partner with in foster care work. We have several leads and are starting conversations. My heart is that I would love to know which foster home before we love but these organizations seem to have a hard time committing to us when our working full time with them is at least 2 years out due to language study.

Please let me know how I can be praying for you. We are surely in a season of transition in so many areas, which is always difficult but also exciting.

Blessings!

I believe:

Nothing great is every accomplished in God's kingdom without great surrender.

A picture of our kitty Fabio surrendering to us. May we surrender our lives to the one who holds our very breath in his hands.

I will Praise you in this Storm

For those of you who haven't ever got a chance to listen to the song, "I will praise you in this storm" by Casting Crowns, I heartily recommend this activity. It is one of my absolute favorite songs, and I think it is such a beautiful illustration of God and how he is with us through the difficult times. I know that many of you are struggling with finances, with family, with health... But God is there in spite of the storms, and he is waiting with open arms for us to come to him first, not our friends or our spouse or our coworkers, but to him who loves you infinitely more than you or I could ever imagine! And even though I know at times it doesn't seem like God cares what happens to us, he does. He is watching, hearing our prayers, and standing next to us. God never promised, no matter how difficult it might be to swallow, that life on earth would be easy. Life is inherently difficult and filled with up and down moments, BUT he did promise to "never leave us or forsake us."

Praise the Lord for he is good.

Below are the words to my beloved song, please YouTube it and listen. It's free. ;-)

Love, Hayley

A picture at our lovely Mission Viejo park ;-)

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus: And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to You and raised me up again my strength is almost gone how can I carry on if I can't find You and as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

I am the Lord's

It is one of Satan's goals to make us see our lives in terms of ownership, to see our bodies, our significant others, our possessions, and more as being ours to hold and possess and do with what we please because as long as we do, we will live without seeing the truth.

Our life can be taken from us in a moment, our wealth can come crashing down in a day, and our loved ones can be taken from us without warning.

I am not in control. My life is not my own, and the sooner I realize this and the sooner I embrace this, the sooner I will be living the life that God has designed for me.

We all must stop asking the question: "What do I want to do with my friends and my things today?" and instead turn to the question, "What does God want me to do with the friends and things that I have been graciously been given, for the time being?"

It is hard to let go. Pray for strength, daily.

Sacrifice

In honor of good Friday and Jesus Christ's sacrifical death on the cross to save us from our sins, I would like to share with you one of my top 5 scripture passages: Philippians 2.

I am sure that you have heard this passage many times before, but I used the Message in an effort to help us think of Christ's sacrifice again, in a new and profound way.

"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

"Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion"

"Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father."

May we never stop living in light of Christ's sacrifice. May we realize that we can never do enough or be good enough to get to Heaven on our own. It is only through Christ's blood, shed for the sins of the world, through which we can be saved.

Praise the Lord!

Have a wonderful Easter Season!

Refuel

Saddleback church is doing a series called refuel about how to recharge your spiritual life.

There were two things that really hit me from this evening's message that I wanted to share with you.

#1 Stop for a moment and think about this: How many amazing things do we know to be true about God?

God has the power to transform my life.

God's grace can wipe away my guilt.

God has a direction that is worthy and right to follow.

God's provisions are enough for me.

These truths and so many more fill the pages of the Bible, and even though we may believe these things, read about these things, and even memorize scriptures about them, how many of us live them out on a daily basis.

I was convicted when Doug started talking about this more.

Even though I know God is all powerful, how many times have I relied on my own power instead to get me through.

Even though I know God can wipe away my guilt, how many times have I carried that guilt around allowing it to cling to me.

Even though I know that God has a worthy direction for me, how many times have I not thought to wait for where he leading but plunged ahead on my own.

Even though I know that God's provisions are enough, how many times have I been worrid that I wouldn't have enough or that I wouldn't make it.

How many times... Oops.

I need to remember to LIVE the things that I KNOW and not just today but everyday. I know that is easier said than done, but it is my prayer.

#2. Start with giving God the next thing.

What is the thing in your life that you are keeping from God's control. The small or large area of your life that is too irresistable to let go of.

I know for me it's fear. I am afraid of being murdered, afraid of people breaking into our condo, afraid someone I love will die, afraid that I won't do enough, afraid that I will do the wrong thing.

I must start today by giving God the things that I fear knowing full well that he has the power and wisdom to take care of my needs abundantly better (a complete understatement) than I could ever do!

Praise the Lord!

Publishing...

So since September, I have been on a crazy, rewarding journey of becoming an author and not just a happy nut who writes for the pure joy of it, though at this point, that is all I am.

I have learned so much about agents, queries, writing conferences, elevator speeches, and the like that I could probably write a book at this point about how to write a book. ;-) Just kidding, nonfiction magazine articles I am into but not too enthralled about the nonfiction books at this point.

I am currently working on the sequel to a YA novel about spiritual warfare. Other than that, I have at least six other story outlines swimming around on my computer eager to be written!

This month I have started a new journey though of writing articles for magazines in an effort to gain some publishing credits and some more experience. I am having a ball with it. It is simply amazing all the things out there in everyday life that make great fiction and nonfiction article ideas.

Anywho, I am looking for an agent if anyone knows one who isn't super busy at the moment and is interested in YA fiction. I am all about working to promote the book through websites, speaking engagements, etc.

I know full well I have buckets and buckets to learn, but I am enjoying the journey and hope and pray that someday lives will be changed because of the inspiration that God has given to me that I had a chance to translate into written word!

Carpe Diem!

By the way, I got some amazing business cards today! I am super excited to give them out so let me know. ;-)

Marriage

Joe and I had the opportunity to steal away to Big bear for a two day retreat to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary.

I love marriage…

I have learned so many things and have grown so much from being married to Joe.

I have learned that love is a choice. I wake up every day deciding to love Joe, no matter what happens, no matter the stresses or strains that come that day, no matter how tired I am or how confused I am. I am committed to loving him, and I believe that as a result of that commitment, the warm, comforting feelings of love will follow. Are the relationships in your life built on commitment or the good feelings that the other person brings? If this is the case, what will happen when these good feelings are gone?

I have learned to be myself. Who I often tell others or even myself that I am is oftentimes not accurate. However, there is a safety in being with one person for such a large portion of every day. I care about our relationship and the strength of it to such a degree that I desire to consistently be myself with Joe, and although it is sometimes frustrating to him to see me morph in front of his eyes when I am around other people, I believe that it is comforting for him to know that I am always the same around him. I believe that if you cannot share yourself with another person on a daily basis, please don’t marry them. So much of marriage is built on friendship. Living behind a mask with your mate would be an incredibly straining ordeal no matter how amazing they may seem, you need to be able to be you and have them be okay with who that is.

I have learned that love is all about sacrifice. With every decision, it is not, what do I want today or tomorrow or this year? It is always what do I want and what do you want, and how can we, as we continue to seek the Lord, combine these visions into a synchronistic, compatible whole. As it says in the Bible, our lives are not our own because we have been bought with a price. It is the same in marriage. My life is not my own anymore, and I love it. It is a beautiful thing to live for someone else.

I can’t wait for our next anniversary and in the meantime, am daily rejoicing in the security and joy of being Joe’s bride.

I will speak

Our lives end the day we become silent about the things that matter.
- Martin Luther

I will not be silent because if I do not speak, my heart hurts. I will never cease saying the words you have given me to say, for if I do not I weep.

I must speak even when it hurts. I must tell the truth even when it is hard.

For you direct me, for you keep me, for you are mine.

Praise the Lord.