Sadie

A clip from My Darkness. Everyone is looking for a reason to hope. Will you give them one?

“Why do you care? Really, Mark. Why does it matter to you if I am another murder on that man’s conscience? What drives you to keep rescuing me? And what am I going to do when in another few weeks, you aren’t around any more.” I gritted my teeth and tore a hunk off of my dry blueberry bagel. I chewed it and watched the agony tear across his face. I was sadistically enjoying myself. Usually, I was the one who suffered.

“I want to protect you!” He tore a bite off of his wheat bagel and threw it in his mouth, mirroring me.

“Why? Did someone hire you to be my bodyguard, and if that is the case, who on this lonely planet cares enough about me to do that? Mark, look me in the eyes and tell me who it is because right now, you are the only person I know that seems to care a wink about whether or not I’m alive tomorrow.” I slammed my coffee cup I’d been cradling between my fingers onto the table and frowned. “And the worst part is, there are more people who’d like me dead or at least permanently out of their life forever. So tell me, who is it Mark? I want to know if there is any reason left to hope!” My voice wavered as my anger melted to despair.

He stared at me, his mouth open, his face screaming defeat. He let out a deep breath that I heard and felt. Its tension overwhelmed me. “I can’t tell you, Sadie. I can’t tell you exactly who I am or what I do or why I’m here.” He avoided my eyes. “You have to find that out for yourself. But, I can tell you one thing, someone did send me, and I do care about you a lot, and I am thankful I was sent so that I could have the opportunity to be here with you, today.”

His voice rose and fell, like a speeding roller coaster. “Sadie, you’re a treasure: to me, to your new family, to the one who sent me. I know that as a fact and no matter how many times you try to talk your way out of that truth, you can’t! You know why? Because a truth is a truth! It can’t be false or wrong or mislead because then it would be going against its own nature. Just like I was made to protect you.”

He reached out his hand, cupped my chin, and pulled me closer. “And I’m not leaving in three weeks. I can promise you that much.” His voice wavered.

I couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes so I stared at his bagel. Was this for real? Was he for real? Had someone really sent him to me to rescue me, to save me from myself and the things that tear at my soul?

“What’s the ending of this story, Mark? Is it a happy ending? I have to know because I’m losing the will to fight! Just tell me if it gets easier.”

He shook his head, and I stared into his eyes. “I don’t know the future. I’m sorry. All I can offer you is the hope of a happy ending.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, and a single tear slid gently down my cheek, dangled on my chin, and dropped into my cup of coffee. I took a few deep breaths and sat back, breaking the hold Mark had on my chin. I needed room to think. To know whether or not I should believe him.