Beginnings

January 1st, 2009

Suffering…
Isolates
Depresses
Bring me to my knees
Breaks down my walls
Destroys my pride
Humbles me
Prostrates me
Breaks me

I want you Lord, but I don’t understand what you’re doing.

I want you Lord, but I don’t think I can handle it.

I want you Lord to be…
My driver
My friend
My Savior
My rock
My redeemer
My father

I desire to put you over…
Me
My dreams
My ambitions
My families
My body

“Broken I come to you for I know you satisfy. I am empty, but I know your love restores my life.”

Thank you for lifting me from a pit, for pulling me out of the darkness for dying for me.

I do not deserve you! The truth is: I never have and I never will!

I surrender all!
My health
My husband
My books
My career
My future
My future kids
My family

I know being in your hand is the best place, but it’s not safe or easy or gentle or smooth.

Things could happen.
It could hurt.
My life could be broken.
Everything stripped from me,
But that’s okay.
Because I know and will rest and rely on the fact that my Jesus lives.

He lives, he died, he rose, he loves, and I will faithfully, constantly, joyfully proclaim His name.

I will not let my fears, my friends, my husband, my limitations hold me back! Nothing!

Thank you for breaking me, for teaching me that I am nothing without you. I can never be good enough. I can never do enough. I place my life at your feet.

I have no idea what you want or why you shaped me this way or brought me to this place. It’s hard. I don’t like it. It causes me to bleed, to mourn, to cry, to lose myself.

I place it there in your hands.

Please use me however you see fit. Please make me a worthy vessel.

I feel like no one understands me, like no one has sat here, but I know that you have gone before and that you are waiting with open arms to take me home!

“Broken I come…”
Heal me.
“To you for I know”
You are sovereign.
“You satisfy.”
My every need.