Counting sand

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! 

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them, 

they would outnumber the grains of sand. 

When I awake, 

I am still with you.

Joe and I went to the beach yesterday. Beautiful places restore me. I feel closer to God and have the oppourtunity to be still. Have you ever lifted a handful of sand and let it sift through your open fingers. Have you  tried to count the small particles that drop from the palm of your hand to the sand below? 

If you could count the grains of sand on all the beaches of the world, that number would not be enough to continue the sheer mass of thoughts that God has for you and for me. 

I am often overwhelmed with my thoughts. They move so quickly, spinning and twirling through the dark recesses of my mind. They can often be confusing or conflicting. But you and I can seek peace in the fact that God's thoughts towards us are many and that to him you are precious, a unique, special creation of his hand. Ask him for clariy through the confusion. Ask him for the wisdom to make the right decisions even when your thoughts on the issue are confusing. 

Yesterday, I let my mind wander through the events of the past few weeks. So many things have happened. Life is in a continual surge of change. Every day is different than the one before. 

I remember hearing advice from a marriage book that said how important it was to grow and change WITH your partner because a month, or a year, or five years down the road neither of you will be the same person you were before. I know that Joe and I aren't the same people we were when we met over four years ago. We've been changed through our experiences, God, each other, friends, family, and more. We must learn how to grow and flex and change with each other. If we don't, one of us will be broken or isolated through the change. 

I find that it is more difficult for me to adjust to the ways that I'm changing than the ways that Joe is. I find that I have more grace for others than I do for myself. I don't know if you've ever struggled with that. The bar that I set for myself is higher than the one I set for those I love. 

Learn to be gracious to yourself as you change. Learn to be gracious with others as they change. And continue to pray and seek God through times of change so that the change will be honoring to him at all times. 

Written on July 16th, 2002

I wrote this journal entry in high school. I remember writing it too, outside on the hamock. It was a beautiful summer day, and I was dreaming about and praying for my future husband. I could never have asked for a better answer to my prayer than my husband, Joe Gallucci. ;-) I love you!

To my husband to be…
I have dreamed often of this time, the excitement of wedding preparations, the joy of loving someone with all of myself.
I have longed for you at times when things at school or in my life are unstable and people crush me, hurt me, leave me without caring.
I’ve longed for your protecting arms.
I’ve even imagined your kiss before and how amazing the day will be when we are finally united, and you are mine and I am yours- forever and completely.
I have been praying for you too. That your life has been one of devoted to God and his Word and that you always put him first because he deserves it.
I wonder right now what you will be like. What will your habits be, what will you look like, and what will your background be.
I am very excited to meet you, to explore you, to love you…
I just want you to know that I am saving myself- waiting especially for you. Love, Hayley

Prayer Requests:

For those of you who know us there are several things that we have been seeking the Lord for, and I thought that we could petition him together. ;-)

1. Raising support to to leave for China. This is a seemingly impossible goal at times that can be overwhelming and discouraging. So many people and churches are struggling right now with finances, and it is difficult to petition those for money who are already at a loss with what to do next in their own situations. We know that God has the money, but we need help finding it. ;-)

2. The publishing of my book. It is completed and I have been petitioning agents, but as everyone knows it is a difficult time to get people to support your first project. Please pray that I make the right connections. I have a writer's conference May 2nd, and I would be stoked to meet an interested party there. My children's literature professor and my literary critique group were very encouraging about the project so praise the Lord for that!

3. We are currently seeking the right team to be apart of in China and the right organization to partner with in foster care work. We have several leads and are starting conversations. My heart is that I would love to know which foster home before we love but these organizations seem to have a hard time committing to us when our working full time with them is at least 2 years out due to language study.

Please let me know how I can be praying for you. We are surely in a season of transition in so many areas, which is always difficult but also exciting.

Blessings!

C.A.T.S.

So lately I have been trying to break into print, submitting my novel to agents and writing magazine articles for publication.

I wrote an article last night about the C.A.T.S. prayer. Have you ever heard of such a thing? When I was first learning how to pray in elementary school at good ole' Valley Bible, I learned an acrostic for prayer that goes like this:

C.onfession

A.doration

T.hanksgiving

S.upplication

I have to admit that I still use this prayer guideline at times. I think that it follows a beautiful sequence, confessing your sins before God, praising God for his greatness, thanking him for what he has given me, and then humbly asking for what I need.

It is easy to at times focus on the S part of the prayer, but it is a good reminder that prayer is not only about answered requests, it is also about growing and refining a relationship between yourself and the Creator of the World.

A prayer for today:

Dear Lord,

I am sorry that at times I come to you to ask first and foremost without first revering you for the great things you have done and the greatness of who you are. Forgive me for limiting you at times.
I love you. I praise you for the sky, the trees, for creating humankind. This world is an amazing place, and I pray that I never stop marveling at the wonder that is found there.

I thank you are praise you for all the blessings that you have laid in my lap, all the beautiful things that I don't deserve. For my husband, my family, my lovely condo, Fabio Gaston, eyes to see, and lips to praise you.

I ask for clarity in the days ahead. I pray for wisdom with how Joe and I should spend our time during the days ahead. There are so many decisions before us, and I pray that you would direct our way and make every decision perfectly clear because we want to bring you glory through what we do.

I praise you, thank you, love you, and need yo

In your powerful, holy name.

Amen

With arms wide open

“Daily Cast all your anxieties on the Lord for he cares for you.”

I spread out my hands to you dear Lord, spreading out my fingers so that everything that at one time I was clinging to with tenacious ferociousness are now sliding through my fingers, slipping out of my control. My dreams, my possessions, my limitations, my future. It is all yours, and I am not supposed to hold it. I see myself with arms to my side, legs spread apart, my face looking up towards the Heavens.
Lord, your mercies are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness!
I have so many plans. So many things that are so difficult for me to drop on the floor in front of your throne, but I will and I am going to start today.
I feel the tension ebbing. I feel the stress fading. It is too much for me to hold it. It is too heavy, too overbearing, too much of a responsibility.
I am looking up at you, waiting. My heart is calm. My breath is even.
I am confident that whatever storms blow through my life. You are there. Whatever emotions tear at my heart and leave my mind in confusion. You are there. With open, waiting, patient arms. Ready to take me to the place and the people that you have planned and purposed me to reach.
For your glory I sing. For your glory I lift my face to you. For your glory I worship you and you alone!